The stresses of a debutante {Part 1}

So my party is 7 months away,
Your probably wondering why I'm planning my party in such an advance. It's because a debut is a BIG thing in the Philippine culture. I've been trying to look for a venue that I'll be able to have for my party but all these big hotels that I've been booking have been turning me down. The Chateau Laurier, Lord Elgin... arg! It's so frustrating. I'm going to have to settle for a smaller venue something not as nice as those hotels unfortunately, just because I need to get to the person who shall be making my invitations for that night and of course, I'll need to give her a place or it will not work out so well. I was thinking of the hall that the INS society used for their Christmas Party. Its not as nice, but its big enough to fit all the people i want to invite. It's nice that it has two floors as well, so for all my closest friends will be with me at the bottom and the rest of my friends and family will be upstairs and still be able to enjoy the party.
I'll be calling them tomorrow so that I can book a date =D.
I'll keep in touch!
Can't wait until my party!

*.Confessions of 2008.*

In '08 I...

[ ] stayed single
[x] got kissed
[x] kissed someone new
[x] made out
[x] made out in a car
[x] kissed in the snow
[ ] kissed in the rain
[x] had my heart broken
[x] broke someone else's heart
[x] had a stalker
[x] lost a friend
[x] had a good relationship with someone
[ ] questioned my sexual orientation
[ ] came out of my closet
[ ] got pregnant
[ ] had an abortion
[ ] got married
[ ] had a divorce
[x] kissed someone of the same sex
[x] met someone that I will never forget
[x] did something I regret
[ ] lost my true love
[x] lost faith in love
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
[x] got a promotion
[x] got a pay raise
[x] changed jobs
[ ] lost my job
[ ] quit my job
[ ] dated a co-worker
[ ] dated my boss
[ ] dated my boss's son/ daughter
[ ] got fired from my job
[ ] got straight A's
[x] met a teacher who I became friends with
[x] met a teacher who I really hate
[x] found the subject I love
[ ] failed a class
[x] cut class
[x] skipped school
[ ] got in a fight with a classmate
[x] did something I was happy with
[x] discovered a new talent
[x] proved myself an idiot
[x] embarrassed myself in front of the class
[ ] fell in love with a teacher
[x] was involved in something that I will never forget
[x] painted a picture
[x] wrote a poem
[ ] ran a mile 2000 times
[x] double dipped
[x] skinny dipped
[x] went to a sleepover
[x] went to camp
[x] threw a surprise party
[x] laughed till I cried
[x] laughed till I peed my pants
[x] flirted shamelessly
[ ] visited a foreign country
[x] visited a foreign province
[x] cooked a disastrous meal
[x] lost something important to me
[x] got a gift I love
[x] realized something new about myself
[x] went on a diet
[x] tried to gain weight
[x] dyed my hair
[x] came close to losing my life
[x] someone close to me died
[x] went to a wild party
[x] drank alcohol
[x] drank alcohol underage
[x] got drunk
[ ] got arrested
[x] read a great book
[x] saw a great movie
[x] saw a movie so scary that it made me cry
[ ] saw a favorite band live
[x] did something that I want to tell everyone
[x] experienced something new
[x] made new friends
[x] found out who your real friends are
[x] lied to your parents
[x] snuck out
[ ] got in trouble with police
[x] kissed in a pool
[x] kissed under the stars
[x] smoked
[x] got wasted
[x] went to a party
[x] had the time of your life
[x] danced
[x] fell out of love
[x] had a crush on someone
[ ] changed your sexual preference
[x] made a snowman
[x] swam in a pool
[ ] went snowboarding
[x] went sledding
[x] slept in past 2pm
[x] held someone’s hand that you care about
[x] got wasted in a public place
[ ] got wasted in Mexico
[x] told someone you like them as more than a friend...
[x] went on vacation
[x] went on vacation with a friend
[ ] driven a car
[x] played strip poker
[x] danced in the rain
[ ] got in a car accident
[x] saw someone get in a car accident
[x] got in a fist fight
[x] laughed until you couldn't breathe
[x] had an amazing year
[x] missed someone
[ ] got hit by a car
[ ]sent someone to the hospital
[ ] got a new pet
[x] enjoyed this year overall

First of all, I started off 2008 with a new years resolution that I didn't do. My resolution was to grab the life that I truly deserve, and that was to be without you. Unfortunately, I was so scared and weak to do anything. I should have listened, but I didn't.

Celine, this one is for you baby girl! I miss you so friggen much, there isn't a day in this world that goes by, that I don't think about you. I regret not phoning you back during the summer holidays when you asked me to hang out, catch up on the old times and talk about "them boys". I miss the days when we would have to go to the park to chill just because we didn't want to be at my house where my annoying parentals would be. Celine, I love and miss you everyday, and I'll live my life keeping you alive in my heart forever&always! Keep smiling twin sister!

This one goes out to my two best friends who stood by me even when I pushed them back so many times. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without you! I regret ever mistreating you and never taking your advice to go the right way in life. I'll always stand by you, like you stood by me. I love you Chloe-Baloney & Smurph-a-ella!

This one is for the one who captured my heart, and kept reminding me to kept my head up high.
If it wasn't for the alcohol that I consumed that night, I don't think I would have confessed that I liked you. I'm glad that I did or else I wouldn't be as happy as I am today. You show me the beautiful person who is hiding inside of me. I love you, Nathan and seeing that I'll be with you during the New Year already lets me know that it will be so much better than the last.

This one is for the family who had to put up with me. I'm sorry for putting you guys though what I did. I regretted ever leaving the house, when I did I thought about you guys everyday I was away. I'm sorry for not being the daughter that you made me to be. I thought he would have givin' me the things that I truly wanted in life, but you know what. I'm still young for that. I'm sorry, you were right and I was wrong, I'll never go back against your word ever again. I'm just glad that you like the current boy in my life, it takes a lot of stress off my shoulders for sure =D.

Overall, I had a good year, with my ups and my downs. I've learned to never run away from your fears, because they will always just keep chasing you.
My new years resolution is to build up my self esteem that was lost during the year of 2007.

I found you...

"We were given two hands to hold, two eyes to see, two legs to walk, two ears to listen. But why just one heart, The other one was given to someone else to find."

&& i think i found my heart in you...

A letter to my PrinceCharming

ҳهҳه -P н є в є J α n є - ҳهҳه
will you play the role as prince charming?

Haller (L)s PJ Ti amo
anyday

Haller (L)s PJ Ti amo
would you be my princess?

ҳهҳه -P н є в є J α n є - ҳهҳه
in a heartbeat

PrinceCharming,

To you on this Christmas season, I would like to give you something better that can't be packaged or bowed. Something, so little and delicate that cannot be played with. I would like to give you my heart, meaning all of me.

When I'm with you, its so magical and unreal, its like a wish waiting to be granted, and its being granted right before my eyes. You give me something better than what a child would feel on that Christmas morning, when they're opening their special gifts underneath the tree.

I am ready to start a NewYear with you, forgetting all the worries and fears that I had.

I'm sitting here waiting,
Tears running down my face.
Have you forgotten about me again?
My heart is collapsing,
I can feel it start to lose its beat.

Multiple Persons Inside Of Me

I feel my emotions fighting themselves.
It's they all have different masks and I don't know which one to wear
One second ill be happy
and another ill be angry and sad.
I just hate this feeling.
I hate not knowing who i want to be
not being able to control my emotions

I don't know what made this start up again
I'm confused as shit,
or is it loneliness I'm feeling?

Lessons for the guys

Stop looking at me like I'm some item on the shelf.
Stop striping me naked with your eyes, I'm not stupid
I hate it when guys just make it so obvious when they're checking a girl out
Seriously, can't you tone it down.
Its not appealing.
If you think your going to get a girl like that think again.
Stop being shallow, look deep into a girls heart.

I'll get through this one [PILL] at a time

I can feel it, I'm not the person that I was for the last couple of months. I can feel the emotions of being scared and lonely comming back to me. I hated those days, I wasnt who I was. You may thought I was fine, but actually that was just this little pill that plays with my emotions and brings me to a better mood. I can't believe that I'm starting this again, but It's the only way people won't suspect that anything is wrong. I know I shouldn't but yet it makes me feel so much better.

My decision

I held on to the rope for too long.

Because I can feel you slipping away from my grip.

Forbidden to remember, Terrified to forget.

I forbid myself to remember.
All those times we shared.
They seem like nothing since we never talk anymore.
I remember how my eyes would glow when I saw your face.
Or my head would perk up at the sound of your name.
All that has changed now and I don't understand the reasons why.

I am terrified to forget.
All those times we shared.
Just because those are the times when I was truly happy.
You don't know how much it meant to have you in my life.
Now that I feel that I'm without you.
Its so very cold.
Also, the other reason why i don't want to forget.
Is because those were the times that you told me you loved me.

Buses make me mad!

Well the city of Ottawa has been struck by a dilemma that has caught the attention of many. Employers of the Oc transpo (the local buses here in Ottawa, for those who don't know) have decided to go on strike because of the new union agreement. To my knowledge, before the strike, they had 12 sick days, and now the union took away the 12 and made it down to 6 because the contract expired or something. ANYWAY. The city of Ottawa tried to stop the strike by giving them two extra sick days... making it a total of 8, however that didn't impress the bus drivers and mechanics of OC transpo. It is day 3 of the strike, and has been 3 days that I haven't seen buses on the streets of Ottawa.
As a bus rider, I am definitely sick and tired that the government is waiting for them to make a move. They will not make a move unless you make one first, hence the strike. Seriously, we NEED these buses back on the streets, and it doesn't seem like the city of Ottawa is trying their hardest in the dilemma that has struck the streets of Ottawa.

A tear has fallen from my eye.

A tear has fallen from my eye.
Its not a question, anymore. I miss you.
Its been weeks since I've seen your face.
Days since I've heard your voice.
I just don't know what to do.
I feel a sudden change between us.
That sends tears down my face.
I don't like this feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I want you to be here with me.
To hold me, To guide me.
But your to far away.
I can't reach you.
But I'll always be here waiting.
'Till that day...

What I think about Holiday Hours!

*ARGGGG!

Give me a gun, and make it go BANG!

Seriously, I understand that people need to get their shopping done, but honestly. If I'm here typing up this blog, I highly doubt its THAT busy to keep us open for another hour. Its defiantly not helping our sales. You know what my theory is. I think the reason why people don't shop at this mall after 6 is because their all in bed. HAVE YOU SEEN THE CLIENTELE IN THIS MALL? Their old, they need their sleep, no one is going to shop at Carlingwood mall past 9 o'clock. If its the week of Christmas I understand, but I don't understand why we have to do this to the week of. *sighs, I'll just have to endure it I guess.... Well I've I survive from the boredom

My eyes grow weak.

I sit here, waiting, wondering.
On the computer.
My eyes slowly drift to sleep.
They reopen, as the sudden sound startles me,
but its not you, its someone else.
I read for a little while,
As my eyes slowly drift away again.
I'm fast asleep.

I wake up, to my realisation you went on.
I feel bad that I didn't stay awake.
I lost my chance to talk to you.
Until the next time
I guess...

My dearest friend.

I felt like I was a lost little girl, until you returned to me.

I remember how you would make me laugh, with all the weird things you do.
I remember how you would always help me up when I fell.
I remember when you would clean me up when I scraped my knees.
I remember when you held me in your arms until my tears dried up.

You were always the strong shoulder to cry on, and was always there for me when I needed you.
You were always the friend who stood by my side, through thick and thin.
You always stood up for me when I felt small.
You were always there to stand behind me when I was scared.
You were the one who carried me when I was weak.

I'm so glad that your back. My life seems complete.
I love you for that.

If I needed you, Where would I find you?

If I went looking for you,
Where would I find you?

If I screamed out your name,

Would you hear me?

If I cried,

Would you wipe the tears?

If I needed you,

Would you be there for me?

If I was lonely,
Would you hold me?

If I was broken,

Would you fix me?

Theres this feeling of need, inside of me that I just can't explain. I don't know if its because I miss you, or the lack of communication between us. I'm not used to this. I was used to him, always calling me at the end of the day seeing how my day was, and I liked it. It's different I know just because your so far away and your always so busy, but what if I needed you? Where would I find you, how could I reach you?

Sometimes, I just want to talk to you, and no one else. It's kind of like your the only one who can understand my point of view, or can tell me that the person that I am, is much greater than I believe to be. Your the one that I love, and sometimes, your the only one I want to talk to.

Getting out of your comfort zone

I'm here in a different enviroment then i'm used to.
I'm used to my store, with everything in its place and where everything is.
But here, it looks the same.
But it doesn't feel the same.

I'll wear this white ribbon to remember... and be aware

Tomorrow is the National Day of Rememberance & Action on Violence Against Woman. On that day in 1989, 14 young women at l'École Polytechnique de Montréal died, because they were women. He seperated the class, men on one side, women on the other. Asked the men to step outside, and then shot each and everyone of the women in the class. Its not just violence as in shooting either, its abuse, wheater its verbally or physically we have to recognize and not repeat. Its also the song lyrics that some people have and what they say and call us women. Do we really like to be called this from our day to day lives? Why is it right for them to have it in their lyrics?

I say this from a person of experience who came out of a horrible relationship where I had to be careful of what I say or do. I would get hit constantly just because I wasn't strong enough, or just because I didn't listen to his authority. The man isn't more powerful than the woman in the relationship, there should be equality in the relationship and where two people can talk like civilized people.

To my spare buddies.... Max & Melissa

What am i to do without you two?

honestly
i would be just be sitting here just typing away like a loner

to max. always there.
when its running to produce for some hummus :) or cheese?
haha, or just running around the halls just frolicking
from showing me today's sunshine girls to watching videos on your mp3
lol... mahn laughs are non stop with you!

to melissa. shopping buddy!
known you since kindergarden
went different ways and now your my fav shopping buddy on spare!
we still have to get our nails done!
remember that time when you showed us your tan line?
woow... good times....
:)

Build-a-Bearing

well, i don't really know what to write since i have like less than 10 mins to write it
i got an email from build-a-bear and i want to make another one to add to my collection
hello-kitty, dressed up as tinkerbell
cinderbear
merbear
bellbear
jasbear
snowbear
hannah montana bear
in love with zac efron bear
.... and more that i might have just cant think of them

my bear family is lonely
and i just found out that my bear family is all girls...
i think i need to add a male into the family...
yes... i think so too

I'm in love with him. Deal with it.

I don't understand why you're acting like a child.
Please honestly stop trying to ruin my life.
I love him, and I don't want to lose him.
Please, seriously.
You know how happy I am with him.
Stop telling him lies that aren't true
Just stop messaging him period.
I don't understand why your doing this.
Is it just to make me unhappy.
To be alone in this world,
because you know that's what I'm afraid of?
Or are you trying to get him to leave me,
so I could be the vulnerable little girl you used to torment?
Well its not like that, I believe that what I have with him is love,
though its not marked yet.
I also, believe that if this is love, that love can push down walls,
and beat down anything that comes between it.