what is love...

what is love?
love to me is:

• running into his arms and never wanted to let go

• sitting there, just enjoying each others company

• him carrying me like a baby when i feel lonely

• dancing on his feet

• listening to his heartbeat as my lullaby before i go to bed

• staying on the phone with me till im fast asleep making sure i said everything i needed to say to him that day

• being comfortable in your own skin, when i'm being silly, he doesn't care

• thinking im beautiful even when im making the stupidest faces.

• realizing that you were meant to be with each other

Eyes: Opened or Closed?

As a little girl, before I knew anything about relationships, I've always dreamed of how my first kiss would be perfect. We would be in our own world, I would be held tight in his arms and when he kisses me I would close my eyes like I was in a daze and I would feel like I'm flying.

I close my eyes for one main reason:
to be concentrated on the passion of the kiss and the person that I'm kissing. Not on the world around me, but on you.

I'm stronger than you think I am

So this is how its going to be.
$1000 dollars for my freedom.
6 weeks I say to myself.
6 weeks of hell you say.
I can do it, I know I can.
I'm stronger than you think I am.

As tears run down my face.
I look in the mirror.
Why am I crying?
I was done crying over you so long ago.

My heart is breaking.
I punch the mirror.
It shatters into a million pieces just like my heart.
I look at my fist.
It bleeds uncontrollably just like the tears running down my face.

Why is it that I always give in somehow.
But not this time.
I'm not giving you that option.
I'm making my own decisions this time.
Once these 6 weeks are over.
I'll be laughing at you.
Because you'll be the one who will break down
and cry

GAHH!

So I think im on a roller coaster of doom.
I currently don't know where my emotions and feelings lie.
Not really understanding why...
Please get me off!

Arg, im sorry... =(

As I sit here thinking of how I reacted last night, I feel horrible for what I've done. It probably didn't make any sence to why I overreacted but I'll try and explain myself as best as I can.
I don't understand how my heart is feeling, but sometimes I feel that your too busy to take time and understand the way my heart is breaking. I wanted to talk to you and tell you how I was feeilng, but honestly I didn't want to make the conversation depressing... because seriously, the conversation went no where.
I'll tell you one thing about me. I HATE MSN. Honestly there good for quick notes, or like little messages or something, but really having a conversation on msn is just dumb to me. You can't feel the other person's real expression. You can't tell if it is a lie or the truth.
For example LOL. Doesn't mean im truely laughing.
Am I just being a real bitch here or do you understand where I'm trying to get at?

Last night, I was totally out of line. It was stupid of me to say such things. I'm sorry for making the situation bigger than it had to be. Tears formed into my eyes as I said such things to a person who truely doesn't deserve to be spoken like that. As Sara said, we're just starting to learn about each other... I didn't know, I was only trying lighten up the mood.

untitled, [13][01][09]

We're two different people, I know that because I keep stepping on your feet. I guess I was afraid to note it for the very reason why my heart is breaking. I don't want to sound like a bitch, but I felt that I was the only one trying to make do of what we had. I try and show you the person that I really am, but you always shoot her down.
I hate the fact that we also use msn to talk. I know I don't see you often but an msn conversation vs a phone conversation. Our conversations on msn always seem dry. On occasion we will have our good "chats" but that wont heal this empty hole that grows each day I'm apart from you.

I'm not your friend, i'm your girlfriend.
There's a big difference in the two.

Cut Class Not Frogs! EWWWEWWWWW!

EWWWEWWWWW
for yearbook i was FORCED to take pictures of the most nastiest thing in the world. I couldn't take it. OMG! It was sooooo smelly and yucky and...
heres a picture to explain my state of mind....