For my 100th Blog, i dedicate this to CHLOE PREST :)

First of all i'd just like to thank my best friend Chloe Prest for introducing blog spot into my life. It has defiantly made a difference in my life to just let it go and getting advice from my friends. Thank you <3>

lalalala so im tired from the party from last night,
even if it was lame. it was pretty interesting to hear some of the conversations going around that night.
some chick got dragged out of the party > someone puking on someones shoes > the toilet is clogged from puke > some drama going on at st puis that is litterally nothing compared to the shit we get at ND.
honestly. wow.

So my boyfriend is leaving for a camping trip today. and i trust him i think? its really hard to say.
Its weird cuz i feel like his using me for sex when i know its not that way. he says that he loves me, but how can you truly know that hes sincere in less than 2 months? but when we do have sex its like im not interested in it because hes not getting me motivated, he just wants to stick it in and will do anything to do so.


anyway whatever
troubles are troubles, and if we let them take over our lives we wont have fun.
so im going to end this off saying, if he does do something to hurt me. i wont take it. I'm done hurting from past relationships and i dont need it from someone else.

Sans facebook is a FAIL!

so this is like my 5th day without facebook and i actually feel like im blocked out of society, like i was kicked out of the circle of gossip. GAHH! give it back. I tried to hack into my OWN fucking faceboook but oviously it didnt work considering sara changed my pass GAHH! >( this is so frusterating. i could only imagin if i actually gave up my cell phone instead! my only lifeline, litterally. its attached at my hip! *sigh. its only till tuesday i can last a couple more days. omg FML! FUCK FACEBOOK for being so addicting! GAH @#$%

MONTH

It has been nearly a month since i looked into your eyes. When i looked i saw the man who hurt me all those many times. I felt sharp pains in my heart, i can't believe this happened this way, but it had to. So many times of how i wanted to comfort you for being in pain just like i'd used to, but im not sorry for what you did. Maybe now you'll understand how i felt through those times. I don't know where the man i fell in love with almost 2 years ago went, if i could save him, i would if i could. I wish we could have still been friends, like you said i was the only one that cared for you from the beginning to the end, and i wished that i could have still done that, but you took it to far that was to big for my little hands. I'm sorry to see you like this, because i know now that you don't feel like you have potential in life, but like all of us. You do.

Where did all the happy moments go to? I want to follow them.
Where did all the laugher get buried? I want to dig them up and laugh again with you like i used to.
Why did the man before me hurt me? The only answer I got was because he loved me.
If he loved me why did he hurt me? No answer

If you think that i want to come back to you, your wrong. I'm currently happy and loving every moment spend with the man currently by my side.

You opened my eyes.

I didn't think it could have been that easy to get out of that hell hole but you, you helped me through it all. You were there when I cried, you were their when I was scared. You told me everything was going to be ok, and that you would do your best to keep you safe, and thats all I needed.

I am a victim of partner assault

So i got a call yesterday stating that i was a victim of partner assault. It feels weird calling myself that. Yes i went through alot with justin, and it wasn't the best relationship ever, but I don't want to be categorized as such. Yes I was hit, beaten, and was hit with alot of hateful words, but I think I got it better than most of the people that are a victim of partner assault.
Anyway, These past few days have been traumatizing. If i can describe it it was defiantly equivalent to hell, or maybe even worst. Seeing someone you cared about for so long, just loosing it in front of your eyes. Yes he got what he deserved, but its hard to just let go all of the emotions that you both shared, whether it was the past or not.

I am moving on with my life. I am finding something new. The past will never be erased, but I know that I'm stronger than ever.

I'm running this race to fast

So its as if im running this course just a little bit faster than you are, which is ironic in a sense because your are the athletic one. But forget that thats going off topic. What i mean to say, is i guess im pushing for the finish line to get there, and your just taking your sweet time enjoying the scenery. Im just going to lay it all out there, i dont want to wait for prom, i want to be your girlfriend now. There i said it, however i highly doubt your going to read this. This is so frusterating I know what i want and i cant get it. Your hesitant and im pushy. ill go to prom with you but im scared that someone will get in the way while i wait.

This time im doing it right

OK, its been official i know i like you, I blush when your around. I get nervous now when i talk to you, like i never had before. But if this does happen i want to make it right. I'm finally doing whatever i can to get this monster out of my life. I really wanted this to work out with no fuck ups so i did the following:
changed my number
blocked him on my house phone
referred him to the police

right now thats all i can do. and i hope that is enough to be with you